Scared

I am scared.
Of what?
I have no idea.

Do you feel like the world is swallowing you up? Like you need to hide from something, but then again you have no idea what you should be hiding from.
I am in that phase of life when I feel I need a break. I need a break from everything I am going through, I need a break from myself, I need a break from the people around me, I need a break from life.
I want to be somewhere where there is no familiar face, where I would meet bunch of strangers, somewhere I can be myself, somewhere with freedom and no boundaries. Is that too much to ask?

Love and hate.

Have you ever fallen in love? Do you know what it felt like to be in love yet not in it.

I am stuck in between two worlds. The world of LOVE and the world of HATE.

December 27th 2018.
It is a cold morning here in kano, Nigeria, I laid in my bed thinking of a thousands things flashing through my head. Few more years and I will be 30. Marriage is a complicated issue to me, nobody wants to get married and divorced, we all want to marry that one person we love. I did loved, I hated, I loved back again. Being faithful in a relationship always comes easy to me, it takes me nothing to be faithful, but all these can change when I marry the person I don't love.
He was annoying at first, not the type of person I would ever love, he is not smart, not handsome, not tall but he is caring, loving, honest with his feelings though a liar with other things, helps out, serious only when necessary, I mean he is all I have dreamt of marrying (the good sides) but things are not looking sunny side up. We have a lot of differences age not being the biggest barrier but there are other few challenges.
The other is well older in his thirties, was once married but it didn't work out, he has a son, very smart, from a very good family, rich though fat with a little lump sticking out his shirt, not caring cos he hasn't called me for about a week now, and I doubt he even loves me, he is way too serious, prefers that I teach in order to have time for my family as well as job when I am very ambitious in life. When someone loves you, you just know not by what they say but by the way they act, those little remarks they make when they feel comfortable.
The latter is the one I am allowed to marry, he is preferred more in the family.
I am at that stage when I will make the most important decision in my life, either I marry the person I don't love or wait for someone else whom I would love and spend the rest of my loving life with.
They always say all men are cheaters and all men don't love, well I believe in one thing 90%of men cheat and 90% don't love but again out of both the 10% remaining, God will pick one and give me. I am always hopeful of that.