Love or something and marriage. Part 1.

It is weird sometimes when we feel a strange attraction to some people. I met him at a photoshoot and now we are almost inseparable.
I never felt true love till I started loving him. I was not selfish nor greedy and had less expectations. I replace my jealousness with a smile and my greedy and selfish side with prayer.

That is not all.
I have a phobia of being in a serious relationship. I do love but I start to pull away when I feel it is serious. I want to get married someday and have my own children but I don't know why I fear marriage. It might be because of the community I grew up in where men do not respect or value women. Women are always the lesser specie and means nothing in the man's life but a slave he sleeps with when he want, who gives birth to children that the man takes no responsibility of. The women are always left to cater for their children and sometimes feed the whole house.

Divorce is very rampant here, a man marries a girl because of lust and divorces her when he has a taste of her womanhood. Many young girls are left divorced with either a child or two.
I know a story of a man who married a girl but does not care for the family. She has 2 children for him now who both suffer from malnutrition. When she was pregnant with the second child she was given an nutrient bar at the hospital to give the child and for herself, the husband ate it all and left them with nothing. The man earlier paid for his Hajj (pilgrimage) to Makkah while his family is suffering from malnutrition. Religiously you cannot leave your family with hunger while you spend a lot of money to ask God for something. Men here do not know the rulings of marrying a woman and caring for her.

Sometimes the problem is from the parents also, forced marriage. People still practice forced marriage here which is prohibited in Islam. A girl would be forced to marry a man because of his wealth or because of the relationship between her parents and his parents. Most of these girls end up cheating with men outside, or the man mistreats her because he feels he has the upper hand.

End of part 1.

Past love

I have loved and hated then loved again. I have done so many things in the past, made a lot of relationship mistakes. What do you expect from someone who truly loves? I was obsessed and a jealous freak. All I can think of was myself. I wanted to be happy in my relationship, I needed to feel at ease. I wanted to be the only person he loves but I was making a lot of mistakes by believing that he can love me alone.

You were just a guy and I was just a girl

Love

Love can be crazy attimes. When a person loves truly, he loses not only him/her self but also the mind, the heart, brain, soul almost to the extent that you mentally go blind, but love is not always like that.
Loving someone is when you show care and never want to hurt that person.
We all have a different translation or view on love but at the end we all come back to that "strong positive feeling for someone inside you, that makes you do things you never thought of doing". Love is beautiful. Love is life.

I hate you

Hate is a word I strongly advice people not to use. When the feeling of hatred starts of spread inside you, it makes you depressed and you end up being unhappy throughout your life. You don't have to like or love everyone.

Some people hurt you to the extent that you couldn't believe the person is actually a living thing with a heart and mind. But still that doesn't mean we have to hold them in our hearts and hate them. Hating them is not going to solve anything but rather hurt you even more, cos whenever you hear the person's name or see anything of his/hers or similar you feel a lump in your heart, so move on. People will hurt you always, you have to move on and tell yourself "they are not worth my time". Be that successful person people never thought you would be, have a goal, determination, be fearless, courageous and tell yourself " I can make it", you surely will, "hard work pays off".

Hatred is for the less successful people, I spread love and laughter. I have no time to hate on others.

Lets do it.

El Oo VE EE {LOVE}

Love can be crazy. I mean you fall in love and you just can't get that person out of your mind. You stay up all night waiting for that one person to call or text you.
People say you fall in love once but i object, you fall in love for as much as your heart can carry (and that is not admiration my darlings).

How to know you are in love.
1. You keep on thinking about the     person.
2. You get all excited when you get a call or text from them.
3. You read the messages they sent you over and over again.
4. It doesn't matter to you how they look, you just like them the way they are.
5. You keep on thinking about your conversations with them.
6. You imagine yourself happily married with the person.
7. You never get tired of talking with him/her.
8. You look at their pics over and over.
9. Staying up all night waiting for their call or text.
10. You get super jealous when they talk to someone you think they might like.

Lots of us have experienced something like this, i mean we all are humans.