Knock at the door

I sat in the living room watching "Riverdale" when I heard a knock on the door. I rose up and went to the door to open it. I turned the Bolt to unlock, when I heard whispers. I never thought and wanted the view panel at our door till that day. I wanted to see who it was. I called out "who is it?" but there was no answer. I turned off the TV and went to my room, picked my phone to call my mom and ask where she is. "Hi mom! " I said, "When will you be back? ", she answered on the other end "Soon", and that was the conversation.
I brought out a book to read in order to calm down a bit not because I was in the mood to read, I wanted to go back to watching my movie but I was scared of turning on the TV because of the sound. I opened the middle of the book, it was "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" it belonged to my 12 year old sister. I was looking at the page and seeing how tiny the font was for me to read when I heard a knock again. I rose up hurriedly like cold water was poured on me. I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and went to the door and asked once more "who is it?", there was no answer. I opened the door slowly and I saw no one. There was no sign of any human activity at the front door. Till date I wondered what actually happened that day.

Child sexual abuse

Child sexual abuse is almost the most talked about topic nowadays.

Question is "What causes child sexual abuse?"
Are children sexually abused by psychopaths? Some say it is a disease. Whatever it is no one deserves to be abused or raped. Both boys and girls get abused.
The first time I heard a boy being abused, I was actually shocked more than surprised.
What do these people gain from it? What pushes them to do it? A victim can stay for years or all their life not being able to talk about it. It haunts them, they have nightmares and that shapes their future. A victim could find themselves feeling distant, not trusting people and always self conscious. 

Do the doers feel some sort of satisfaction? Yes they do, just like a person who like having sex with an animal, it is not right but they do it because they feel superior to the person and enjoy the vulnerability of the victim. Doing that doesn't make the doer any better but less.
Most times children are being sexually abused by the people they trust or those who are close to them, either their step dad, uncle, neighbour, teacher or even dads. Sometimes the ladies also sexually abuse kids which was also a shocker.
Victims are being torn open, and a part of them is being stolen. They never get it back. As a child you are being forced to do something you never wanted to do, something you have no idea what it is, something strange and unfamiliar, a child gets exposed to that kind of life at a very tender age.

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Those things that make me unhappy.

I am not alone yet I feel lonely.
I am loved yet I feel hated.
I am alive yet I feel like a ghost.

I really woke up excited today even though I had like 3 hours of sleep. Couldn't sleep last night and had to wake up early to go to work. Our office is not like the normal offices you know. I mean we are all friends there so we always have fun, laugh, eat, gist and well work.

Came back home after a kid's birthday we went to cos she is the grand daughter of our boss. And I took them pictures there.

I came back home tired and hungry, I was having headache due to lack of sleep. I dozed for like 10 minutes and couldn't sleep.

My thoughts came back. All the things I want and not getting. The people I want to be with but can't. The decisions I made about my life and hoping it is not a wrong one. That job I want to get. The fate of my photography business. All those thoughts dangled up in one small ball and I can't seem to untangle it.

I really don't know what is happening to me. I am feeling depressed all over again.

Almajiri project 2018.

It was an amazing journey so far. I travelled, I met new people, started photography, started my one year service, I became better, I changed.

My 31st wasn't the normal way I usually spend it. Woke up in the morning as my usual self. Moody as always with a bit of headache cos I didn't get enough sleep. Had to get myself something to eat. My sister is the more hard working one at home, she decided to cook lunch. I ate leftover tofu and wanted to flush it down with tea when I remembered I have to go for Almajiri project organised by #iAish with #AYDI and our very own #AYDF. I hurriedly took a bath and used smoke perfume on my cloth. I walked in the dusty environment a bit before I could get transport to my destination. It wasn't a long drive to the Islamic school of the Almajiri. I was the last one there though. I met with them and we got to work. We used mobile phones to interview the Almajiri on formal education. Surprisingly we met two who are already enrolled in school. They are being sponsored by the people they work for.

We asked them their ambitions and dreams, the method they would prefer to learn, and we saw the effect of an app we used to teach them at the spot. A boy traced the letters on the app and then could write the letters in a paper.

Almajiri are young kids who are being separated from their various homes to other states or nearby country in order to study Qur'an using a small brown wooden board. Most of these kids leave their homes at a very tender age of 3 or 4. They have to adapt to their new environment and also learn to do house work in order to fend for themselves. Those little house work they do means a lot to them, that is where most of them get the food they eat and if they are lucky they also get enrolled in school but still going to their Almajiri school.

Sometimes parents send their kids off to Almajiri school when they can't afford to fend for the child. These kids miss home, they miss their family, they miss the love of family. They grow up with strangers and will have to make those strangers their new family.

Our interview ended with us taking group pictures with the kids.

Alhamdulillah for a great year.

Scared

I am scared.
Of what?
I have no idea.

Do you feel like the world is swallowing you up? Like you need to hide from something, but then again you have no idea what you should be hiding from.
I am in that phase of life when I feel I need a break. I need a break from everything I am going through, I need a break from myself, I need a break from the people around me, I need a break from life.
I want to be somewhere where there is no familiar face, where I would meet bunch of strangers, somewhere I can be myself, somewhere with freedom and no boundaries. Is that too much to ask?

Love and hate.

Have you ever fallen in love? Do you know what it felt like to be in love yet not in it.

I am stuck in between two worlds. The world of LOVE and the world of HATE.

December 27th 2018.
It is a cold morning here in kano, Nigeria, I laid in my bed thinking of a thousands things flashing through my head. Few more years and I will be 30. Marriage is a complicated issue to me, nobody wants to get married and divorced, we all want to marry that one person we love. I did loved, I hated, I loved back again. Being faithful in a relationship always comes easy to me, it takes me nothing to be faithful, but all these can change when I marry the person I don't love.
He was annoying at first, not the type of person I would ever love, he is not smart, not handsome, not tall but he is caring, loving, honest with his feelings though a liar with other things, helps out, serious only when necessary, I mean he is all I have dreamt of marrying (the good sides) but things are not looking sunny side up. We have a lot of differences age not being the biggest barrier but there are other few challenges.
The other is well older in his thirties, was once married but it didn't work out, he has a son, very smart, from a very good family, rich though fat with a little lump sticking out his shirt, not caring cos he hasn't called me for about a week now, and I doubt he even loves me, he is way too serious, prefers that I teach in order to have time for my family as well as job when I am very ambitious in life. When someone loves you, you just know not by what they say but by the way they act, those little remarks they make when they feel comfortable.
The latter is the one I am allowed to marry, he is preferred more in the family.
I am at that stage when I will make the most important decision in my life, either I marry the person I don't love or wait for someone else whom I would love and spend the rest of my loving life with.
They always say all men are cheaters and all men don't love, well I believe in one thing 90%of men cheat and 90% don't love but again out of both the 10% remaining, God will pick one and give me. I am always hopeful of that.

The devil wants me