A poem for the physically challenged

As I pave down the aisle

My essence lights the way

Being unique makes me strong

I can sit longer than the average human and not get tired

I can use my hand to communicate

I can read with my eyes closed

I talk in a fashionable distinct way

I am nothing but a gift from the Almighty

Wherever I go people stare at my glory

I am a rare gem in the deep ocean

Only the lucky ones find me

And the gifted ones pick me

 

I am not a weak soul

I am not a pity

I have talents

I have goals

A special human created from a unique clay.

Love or something and marriage. Part 1.

It is weird sometimes when we feel a strange attraction to some people. I met him at a photoshoot and now we are almost inseparable.
I never felt true love till I started loving him. I was not selfish nor greedy and had less expectations. I replace my jealousness with a smile and my greedy and selfish side with prayer.

That is not all.
I have a phobia of being in a serious relationship. I do love but I start to pull away when I feel it is serious. I want to get married someday and have my own children but I don't know why I fear marriage. It might be because of the community I grew up in where men do not respect or value women. Women are always the lesser specie and means nothing in the man's life but a slave he sleeps with when he want, who gives birth to children that the man takes no responsibility of. The women are always left to cater for their children and sometimes feed the whole house.

Divorce is very rampant here, a man marries a girl because of lust and divorces her when he has a taste of her womanhood. Many young girls are left divorced with either a child or two.
I know a story of a man who married a girl but does not care for the family. She has 2 children for him now who both suffer from malnutrition. When she was pregnant with the second child she was given an nutrient bar at the hospital to give the child and for herself, the husband ate it all and left them with nothing. The man earlier paid for his Hajj (pilgrimage) to Makkah while his family is suffering from malnutrition. Religiously you cannot leave your family with hunger while you spend a lot of money to ask God for something. Men here do not know the rulings of marrying a woman and caring for her.

Sometimes the problem is from the parents also, forced marriage. People still practice forced marriage here which is prohibited in Islam. A girl would be forced to marry a man because of his wealth or because of the relationship between her parents and his parents. Most of these girls end up cheating with men outside, or the man mistreats her because he feels he has the upper hand.

End of part 1.

Past love

I have loved and hated then loved again. I have done so many things in the past, made a lot of relationship mistakes. What do you expect from someone who truly loves? I was obsessed and a jealous freak. All I can think of was myself. I wanted to be happy in my relationship, I needed to feel at ease. I wanted to be the only person he loves but I was making a lot of mistakes by believing that he can love me alone.

Knock at the door

I sat in the living room watching "Riverdale" when I heard a knock on the door. I rose up and went to the door to open it. I turned the Bolt to unlock, when I heard whispers. I never thought and wanted the view panel at our door till that day. I wanted to see who it was. I called out "who is it?" but there was no answer. I turned off the TV and went to my room, picked my phone to call my mom and ask where she is. "Hi mom! " I said, "When will you be back? ", she answered on the other end "Soon", and that was the conversation.
I brought out a book to read in order to calm down a bit not because I was in the mood to read, I wanted to go back to watching my movie but I was scared of turning on the TV because of the sound. I opened the middle of the book, it was "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" it belonged to my 12 year old sister. I was looking at the page and seeing how tiny the font was for me to read when I heard a knock again. I rose up hurriedly like cold water was poured on me. I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and went to the door and asked once more "who is it?", there was no answer. I opened the door slowly and I saw no one. There was no sign of any human activity at the front door. Till date I wondered what actually happened that day.

Child sexual abuse

Child sexual abuse is almost the most talked about topic nowadays.

Question is "What causes child sexual abuse?"
Are children sexually abused by psychopaths? Some say it is a disease. Whatever it is no one deserves to be abused or raped. Both boys and girls get abused.
The first time I heard a boy being abused, I was actually shocked more than surprised.
What do these people gain from it? What pushes them to do it? A victim can stay for years or all their life not being able to talk about it. It haunts them, they have nightmares and that shapes their future. A victim could find themselves feeling distant, not trusting people and always self conscious. 

Do the doers feel some sort of satisfaction? Yes they do, just like a person who like having sex with an animal, it is not right but they do it because they feel superior to the person and enjoy the vulnerability of the victim. Doing that doesn't make the doer any better but less.
Most times children are being sexually abused by the people they trust or those who are close to them, either their step dad, uncle, neighbour, teacher or even dads. Sometimes the ladies also sexually abuse kids which was also a shocker.
Victims are being torn open, and a part of them is being stolen. They never get it back. As a child you are being forced to do something you never wanted to do, something you have no idea what it is, something strange and unfamiliar, a child gets exposed to that kind of life at a very tender age.

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Will post more later.

Those things that make me unhappy.

I am not alone yet I feel lonely.
I am loved yet I feel hated.
I am alive yet I feel like a ghost.

I really woke up excited today even though I had like 3 hours of sleep. Couldn't sleep last night and had to wake up early to go to work. Our office is not like the normal offices you know. I mean we are all friends there so we always have fun, laugh, eat, gist and well work.

Came back home after a kid's birthday we went to cos she is the grand daughter of our boss. And I took them pictures there.

I came back home tired and hungry, I was having headache due to lack of sleep. I dozed for like 10 minutes and couldn't sleep.

My thoughts came back. All the things I want and not getting. The people I want to be with but can't. The decisions I made about my life and hoping it is not a wrong one. That job I want to get. The fate of my photography business. All those thoughts dangled up in one small ball and I can't seem to untangle it.

I really don't know what is happening to me. I am feeling depressed all over again.

Almajiri project 2018.

It was an amazing journey so far. I travelled, I met new people, started photography, started my one year service, I became better, I changed.

My 31st wasn't the normal way I usually spend it. Woke up in the morning as my usual self. Moody as always with a bit of headache cos I didn't get enough sleep. Had to get myself something to eat. My sister is the more hard working one at home, she decided to cook lunch. I ate leftover tofu and wanted to flush it down with tea when I remembered I have to go for Almajiri project organised by #iAish with #AYDI and our very own #AYDF. I hurriedly took a bath and used smoke perfume on my cloth. I walked in the dusty environment a bit before I could get transport to my destination. It wasn't a long drive to the Islamic school of the Almajiri. I was the last one there though. I met with them and we got to work. We used mobile phones to interview the Almajiri on formal education. Surprisingly we met two who are already enrolled in school. They are being sponsored by the people they work for.

We asked them their ambitions and dreams, the method they would prefer to learn, and we saw the effect of an app we used to teach them at the spot. A boy traced the letters on the app and then could write the letters in a paper.

Almajiri are young kids who are being separated from their various homes to other states or nearby country in order to study Qur'an using a small brown wooden board. Most of these kids leave their homes at a very tender age of 3 or 4. They have to adapt to their new environment and also learn to do house work in order to fend for themselves. Those little house work they do means a lot to them, that is where most of them get the food they eat and if they are lucky they also get enrolled in school but still going to their Almajiri school.

Sometimes parents send their kids off to Almajiri school when they can't afford to fend for the child. These kids miss home, they miss their family, they miss the love of family. They grow up with strangers and will have to make those strangers their new family.

Our interview ended with us taking group pictures with the kids.

Alhamdulillah for a great year.

Scared

I am scared.
Of what?
I have no idea.

Do you feel like the world is swallowing you up? Like you need to hide from something, but then again you have no idea what you should be hiding from.
I am in that phase of life when I feel I need a break. I need a break from everything I am going through, I need a break from myself, I need a break from the people around me, I need a break from life.
I want to be somewhere where there is no familiar face, where I would meet bunch of strangers, somewhere I can be myself, somewhere with freedom and no boundaries. Is that too much to ask?

Love and hate.

Have you ever fallen in love? Do you know what it felt like to be in love yet not in it.

I am stuck in between two worlds. The world of LOVE and the world of HATE.

December 27th 2018.
It is a cold morning here in kano, Nigeria, I laid in my bed thinking of a thousands things flashing through my head. Few more years and I will be 30. Marriage is a complicated issue to me, nobody wants to get married and divorced, we all want to marry that one person we love. I did loved, I hated, I loved back again. Being faithful in a relationship always comes easy to me, it takes me nothing to be faithful, but all these can change when I marry the person I don't love.
He was annoying at first, not the type of person I would ever love, he is not smart, not handsome, not tall but he is caring, loving, honest with his feelings though a liar with other things, helps out, serious only when necessary, I mean he is all I have dreamt of marrying (the good sides) but things are not looking sunny side up. We have a lot of differences age not being the biggest barrier but there are other few challenges.
The other is well older in his thirties, was once married but it didn't work out, he has a son, very smart, from a very good family, rich though fat with a little lump sticking out his shirt, not caring cos he hasn't called me for about a week now, and I doubt he even loves me, he is way too serious, prefers that I teach in order to have time for my family as well as job when I am very ambitious in life. When someone loves you, you just know not by what they say but by the way they act, those little remarks they make when they feel comfortable.
The latter is the one I am allowed to marry, he is preferred more in the family.
I am at that stage when I will make the most important decision in my life, either I marry the person I don't love or wait for someone else whom I would love and spend the rest of my loving life with.
They always say all men are cheaters and all men don't love, well I believe in one thing 90%of men cheat and 90% don't love but again out of both the 10% remaining, God will pick one and give me. I am always hopeful of that.

The devil wants me

My love is dead

Spice platter

Spice platter restaurant Abuja. 

Young female artist with talents that will wow you.

Samira with handle name @samsiiii is a 13 year old German artist. She is very talented and took painting as a hobby. Her paintings also has improved over the years.
Here are few of her amazing work.

Quotes

Set your goals.

When you set your mind to do something, do not let anything or anyone stop you from reaching your goals. Work hard, determination and zeal will get you there.

You were just a guy and I was just a girl

Think positive, stay positive and expect positive.

Sometimes when we get hurt by the people we love or trust, it breaks us and ruin us.
Most people come into your life for one reason or the other, but don't believe or think that everyone is the same, it will stop you from loving the right ones.
Be good, stay good and do good surely the good ones will come to you.

MAN and his negative effect on a WOMAN

Was browsing as usual when I came by a post on #Nairaland, it says "Why some women will never get married". Well for starters it annoyed me knowing that the main reason was "them". The pic on the post were 3 ladies in a club doing "only God knows what". Women tend to underestimate themselves and their worth. 
We can never please a man no matter what we do, if you like get all the surgeries in the world, big boobs, big butt, nose enhancement, a botox, he will still not appreciate, and guess what he will leave you for a natural one who is shaped like rectangle. 😂😂😂😂 If you stay natural he will leave you for fake one. You are ugly, he leave you for beautiful one. You are beautiful, he leaves you for ugly one, the list goes on and on and on.

Be yourself and be happy with yourself. Men hardly expose their body to get ladies but we always do that in order to get their attention which will end up ruining us.

This post was made in the very best way possible in order not to sound like a hater for men. I have a dad, brother, male cousins and probably one day a son. If you have no comment of support, please read and move along.
I am who I am and no one, I mean no one can change that.

My encounter with people in the market

So I went to the market yesterday for survey and I got to ask both sellers and buyers questions.
I asked 2 sellers and wanted to do the third when the man said "Didn't you interviewed them already, and it is all the same thing" I turned my back to him cos I don't want him to annoy me. I gave up on him.

My first seller was one guy, he came to buy fish and I was like "Please can I interview you about the fish blah blah blah" and the man just replied "I came to buy fish so why do you need to interview me?" I turned my back to him also. I don't have that patience of listening to him blab, it makes my heart beat fast. If you know kano people, you will understand what I mean. They didn't reply me in a good way, they were mean.
Anyways I went along and got other people to interview and guess what, they didn't go for formal education but they understood my work and cooperated.
It really ain't easy, I gave up at that time on interviewing the guys and thought of interviewing the females only(feminism came in). But then some men allowed the interview to hold and at the end we were all happy.

What I wanted and what I got.

Yesterday, I was lying on my bed watching "scandal" then I remembered how badly I had wanted to become a lawyer. When I was young around 10 people always tell me "You are too curious, you should go for law", "You are smart, you should be a lawyer", "You talk a lot, study law", and all that comments made me wanted to be a lawyer.

I finished my high school successfully, my mom bought me a new laptop while writing my exams (it wasn't a happy graduation laptop, lol). Kept myself busy online while someone told my mom he will get me admission into the university. He kept telling lies about the admission procedures, well my mom seeing he is the so called "head" she sat back but didn't relax. The thing was that all those post ume's that were written, I didn't write even one. There was a day we went to the uni and one man came to meet us, he asked me "what do you want to study?" I answered "Law" and he said that I have a better chance of getting admission if I go into accounting, and I said okay. Months passed, no one gave me a paper to fill, no exam to write, no interview to go to, just a stupid spoiled brat sitting at home.

To cut the story short, my mom got tired and decided to do things herself, her way. I have 2 months now to round up in study. 

My curiosity was meant for research all this while not law.

I still admire law, but I am over it.